There are two naked, sweaty, methed out guys in their forties in the room when I arrive. I have walked over to the Motel 6 near The Watergarden from my San Jose home. I live with cats, and I'm a slob, so I don't usually have guys over. I connected with this handsome guy on Adam4adam (send your picture if you want to know my profile name) who said he was partying with another dude and they wanted me to come over.

My name is Todd Shui, but I'm not Asian. I'm a beefy white guy of 44. A bear. 5'10, 200 pounds, equal parts muscle and fat. Brown hair, sometimes shaved head, currently cut short. Goatee. Extremely hairy and extremely dominant. I'm a top, and a sadist. I like taking control and causing pain. All of those awful things gay men do that straight people can't even imagine? Done most of them. Don't hate me because I'm kinky.

So I show up and get naked. One of the guys is Bob, a tall lean blond with appealingly muscular arms. He's distressed the whole time because he can't get hard. The other guy, Luke, the hotter guy, is a muscular little dude with sparkly eyes and a grey beard. He's hung nicely and wearing a metal cock ring-- he's the guy I connected with. We're all white-- that's not always the case with my sexual partners. In fact, I tend to be less attracted to Caucasians than to other kinds of guys.

Earlier in the day, I had fucked a really cute little guy, part African, part Islander. I didn't like the taste of his skin-- there is a sweetly spicy oder that develops from some diets that makes a man's sweat taste bad to me. He was self-conscious about some scars and a birth mark, which did not bother me at all. I had an experience that happens to me a lot when I'm fucking a guy for the first (and usually the last) time. My dick is not long, just six inches, but it's pretty thick and it has a fairly blunt head. This is not a great cock for a gay guy to have: it is unimpressive when soft and inconvenient for anal sex. It tends to hurt going in. I try to makes sure a guy is ready before I penetrate him, but it usually causes some pain at first. Most guys are able to loosen up and enjoy it after a minute or two. Some guys, it keeps hurting but they never ask me to stop and their dicks stay hard.

I try to be an ethical sadist, but when my dick knows it is hurting the guy I am fucking, it gets very hard. And I start to fuck mean. I slowed down with my sweet little trick that afternoon and made it gentle, got him lulled into a rhythm, then I broke it and just jabbed at him with my prick, going fact and hard in unexpected directions for two or three strokes, then taking it slow and gentle again. Repeat. Repeat. Fiipped him over and jacked his cock. He'd gone to a very internal place and I watched his face, try to see when he had had enough. He was crying. I pulled out, took of the condom, and put my dick in his mouth. I jacked him off, and left without coming myself.

Anyway, these guys offer me meth. I say maybe later, but I don't mean it. I've smoked twice, not recently, and I probably won't do it again-- it's very fun but very addictive. It ruins people's lives. And their teeth. Mine are bad enough already, thanks.

I order Luke to suck Bob's dick, and he does. Then I tell Bob to spread out on the bed and let Luke eat his ass. He does. Luke starts rubbing his cock against Bob's ass.

"Fuck him," I growl.

He goes in raw. I wasn't expecting this, and I wouldn't do it myself. Yes, I have bareback sex with the Slave, but we've tested together and have reason to trust each other. I am a little conflicted about having instructed one man to fuck another, and then having him do it in a way that is likely to give him AIDS. But I enjoy watching him do it. I decide to be Switzerland. I will do nothing unsafe myself, but you want to kill each other? Knock yourselves out.

I feed Bob my dick while Luke reams him. We smirk at each other, the look guys give each other when each is more into the other than he is into the guy they both have their cocks in. Yes, there is such a look. It's an intoxicating, wicked thing. "Fuck him," it says, both literally and colloquially. "The little cunt's in for a rough ride, isn't he? And then we're gonna get down to some serious business."

Then I make out with each guy in turn, while Luke continues to give Bob the raw tubesteak enema. Bob is actually a more satisfying kisser than Luke, who tastes fine but is too spitty. I stand behind Luke while he is fucking Bob, rub my cock on ass, encourage him to go deeper and harder. Bob wants to switch places, but he can't get it up. So he watches as I begin to to finger Luke's ass. He's really enjoying one finger, and he is satisfyingly responsive to assplay. Frankly, most guys aren't. Some are so passive and quiet that you have to be able to see their faces to know you're getting any response at all. Some start swinging their asses around in dramatic ways that completely ignore what I am doing, making me feel like I am trying to fist a mechanical bull. Some start a litany of unconvincing dirty talk that makes them sound like they are imitating the girl in bad straight porn.

Luke is with me. He lets me slap his ass red before I really pour on the lube and put two fingers up his hole. Oh, he groans and pushes his cunt back against my hand. I wish that I had brought latex gloves and make a mental note to swipe some from the Slave the next time I am at his house. I know he would approve of this use of his medical supplies but would prefer not to know about it. I don't play special attention to his prostate, just gently rub his inner passage for a couple of minutes, then slowing pull out. I wrap my other arm around his neck, so that I am holding his head back against me as I push three fingers in. He leans into me every way he can and says, "Nobody ever played with my ass like this." I don't believe him, but it's a nice thought. I get pretty aggressive with three fingers, and, although I do get four in, he's tired by that point and ready to move on. So I am.

I lean back on the bed and he sucks me. Then I fuck his throat. Then I do it harder. Then I blast off in his open mouth.

Then i go home, and on the walk back, I think, "I've really got to start writing this shit down."